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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27214300">at every beat of my battered heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/truestrepairman/pseuds/truestrepairman'>truestrepairman</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Episode: s02e06 Epidemiology, First Kiss, Injury, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Sad Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:27:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27214300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/truestrepairman/pseuds/truestrepairman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s okay Abed, It’s only a couple of bites," he says as reassuringly as he can, trying his best to muster a smile (his best is not great, and it probably looks more like a grimace). "You have way more bites than me, I should be worried about you." He is worried about Abed, worried about the way almost every visible inch of his body has some sort of injury, like he's been passed through a meat grinder. He can't imagine how much pain Abed is in and he wishes he could treat his injuries somehow. (A smaller part of him wishes he could press a kiss to every bruise and wound on Abed's body. He decidedly ignores that part).</p><p>Troy and Abed waking up from their zombie state.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>at every beat of my battered heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>if you know me no you don't &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Troy’s finally conscious again he’s looking at Abed. It's not very surprising - Troy was almost always looking at Abed, and apparently zombie Troy was no different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still doesn’t feel exactly like himself when he wakes up. Even after most of the weird fog that fills his brain and feels like cotton swabs disappears he still feels dizzy and slow, like his brain is a connect the dots puzzles, and while he can see all general shape the dots create he can't figure out exactly where they are, or how to draw the lines between them. (He also has a sudden craving for a rare and bloody steak, even though he usually thinks it's gross). His memories are all there, but some of them are foggy and confusing, all flashes of bright lights and Muffled ABBA music barely heard through screaming. The last thing he remembers is him fighting the zombies trying to get to the thermostat, heart racing and adrenaline pumping through his body as he tried his best to save his classmates (his friends). Right now he feels the opposite way, he's the most exhausted he has ever been, his body sore and heavy like he just ran a marathon with weights tied to his limbs. His arms and shoulder feel like they're burning, the places where Abed and the other zombies bit him sending intense pulses of pain through his entire body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Across from him, Abed is also waking up, looking just as disoriented and tired as Troy feels. He’s covered in bites, peppering his body from his neck to his legs, and his hand is hanging by his side weirdly, purposefully held away from his body so it doesn't brush against the bites littering his ribs. His skin is pale and ashy, and he has new dark circles under his bloodshot eyes that were definitely not there at the beginning of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” Abed’s voice sounds hoarse and scratchy compared to the way he usually does, and he winces and coughs a little. He’s looking around the room, his eyes tired but focused, like he’s expecting to get an answer from the plastic skeleton hanging next to them who's now missing both of its arms and a rib or any of the other tacky Halloween decorations covering the walls, all of them similarly now broken or torn to shreds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I... I guess I somehow managed to turn on the thermostat before turning into a zombie,” Troy hears more than feels himself say. His mouth and brain feel disconnected in this weird hazy state, like they're controlled by two separate entities and neither one of them is Troy. His throat feels dry when he speaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abed turns to look at him for the first time since they woke up. His mouth is open, clearly about to say something, but snaps shut as his eyes immediately focus on Troy’s arm. </span>
  <span>“you’ve been bit,” he says instead, sounding upset, then shakes his head a bit. “By me. I bit you.” </span>
  <span>He corrects himself and furrows his brows and Troy isn’t sure if it’s out of anger or guilt or worry but either way he doesn’t like it, his stomach twisting unpleasantly. Abed's expressions are usually subtle, Troy isn't used to seeing Abed's face express anything so strongly, let alone seem this upset, his lips pursed together and frown deepens as he stares at Troy's wound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Abed, It’s only a couple of bites," he says as reassuringly as he can, trying his best to muster a smile (his best is not great, and it probably looks more like a grimace). "You have way more bites than me, I should be worried about you." He is worried about Abed, worried about the way almost every visible inch of his body has some sort of injury, like he's been passed through a meat grinder. He can't imagine how much pain Abed is in and he wishes he could treat his injuries somehow. (A smaller part of him wishes he could press a kiss to every bruise and wound on Abed's body. He decidedly ignores that part).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abed shakes his head again, frustrated. “<em>I</em> bit you,” he says again, a certain painful edge Troy doesn’t recognize creeping into his voice. He moves closer to Troy, ignoring the pain it clearly causes, and reaches out to touch the biggest bitemark, the one he left on Troy’s shoulder. When his fingers lightly graze it Troy can’t help but gasp sharply, the bite still pulsating with pain, and Abed’s face contorts even more at that sound. He kinda looks like he’s gonna cry, which makes Troy feel like he’s gonna cry and he thinks if he starts crying now he might never stop. “Hey buddy, it’s okay, I’m not a zombie anymore! I’m fine, we’re gonna be fine, everyone is gonna be okay!” Troy can hear the panic that’s bubbling up in him showing in his voice. “Look at me, I’m okay now, there’s nothing to worry about, I swear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abed drops his arm and, despite the pain it caused, Troy immediately misses the feeling of his finger gently brushing against his wound. Abed looks up at his face, his eyes dark and focused on him in a way that makes him want to both curl up into a little ball and compress until he’s so small Abed can’t see him and preen under the attention, do whatever it takes to make sure Abed never looks away from him. He doesn’t do either of those things, opting instead to gulp nervously and shift uncomfortably and he can almost see the wheels turning in Abed's head as he studies Troy's face with the intensity he usually reserves for movies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said you love me,” Abed’s eyes still hold that intensity, even more than before, but his voice is neutral. Troy freezes, the sudden move from Abed almost crying about hurting him and Abed bringing up his love confession in the same casual tone one would use to talk about the weather hits him like a train, his brain stops functioning for a second. Even Abed just mentioning the confession is enough to send Troy’s body back to that moment in the basement, his palms as sweaty as they were when he gripped the edge of the vent and his heart beating in his ears the same way it did when Troy saw Abed getting surrounded by zombies with no way to escape and the confession forced itself out of his chest, scared that he might never get another chance to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Troy opens his mouth to respond but finds he doesn’t know what to say, choking on all of the words that want to leave his mouth, further confessions and excuses and ways to backtrack and tears all mixing up and getting stuck in his throat like a hairball of feelings. He closes his mouth silently instead, not sure what to do now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said you love me,” Abed repeats and it’s different this time, that unfamiliar painful edge back in his voice. “You said you love me and I said I know, because I never had a friend like you before and I know we love each other.” Abed reaches out for Troy again, but his hand stops hallways between them, hovering in the air unsurely. “But I need to know, is that what you meant? That you love me as your best friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every cell in Troy’s brain is yelling at him to just lie and say yes, of course he did, it'll be easy and safe and they can keep going the way things are, that he shouldn’t jeopardize his friendship with Abed. He knows that's the rational choice but his eyes are trained on where abed’s hand is shaking between them and that edge is still in his voice, painful and soft and desperate, and maybe Troy is just an optimistic idiot but he thinks it might be love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Troy lets out a shaky breath and shakes his head no, not trusting his voice not to crack or say something stupid. For a few moments Abed just stares at him with an unreadable expression, and Troy thinks he fucked up and that's it, they're going from TroyandAbed back to Troy and Abed, and the thought makes him wanna cry. He's about to start spiraling when Abed shakily lifts his hand and cups Troy’s cheek, the touch setting his nerves on fire in such a different way then when Abed touched his wound before. Troy can't help but let out a little gasp, and then Abed is looking at his lips with those dark lidded eyes and that fire spreads into Troy's stomach. He's not sure what happens first, Abed grabbing his chin and tilting his head up or Troy wrapping his arms around Abed's neck and pulling him down, but the next thing he knows they're finally, <em>finally</em> kissing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Objectively it’s not a good kiss. They're both in incredible amounts of pain, and at first Abed lands a little off-center so he kisses the corner of Troy's mouth and his cheek more than his actual lips, and both of them taste like blood and literal death. </span>
  <span>But then Abed moves a little to the side to slot their lips together, his free hand settling on Troy's waist where he can feel its warmth through his shirt, and Troy plays with the ends of Abed's hair where it starts to curl, letting out a little gasp when Abed licks into his mouth, and in Troy’s opinion it’s objectively the best kiss to grace this earth since someone first came up with the idea of smashing two mouths together to show love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute Abed pulls back and whispers, "I love you," and Troy feels him saying it against his lips, which is amazing but also absolutely not okay since it means Abed isn't kissing him, so he surges forward to close the little gap Abed created. He deepens the kiss, pulling Abed closer so their bodies are pressed against each other, and Troy's last thought before the memory gas fills the room and knocks them out is that he wants to kiss Abed forever.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>holy shit this was even worse than I remembered it being...... edited it a bit more since it was barely edited when I first posted it and reuploaded cause someone asked me to. still not great tho lmao</p></blockquote></div></div>
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